Essay 2 Rough Draft

When looked up in a dictionary, persistence can be defined as a firm or obstinate continuance in a course of action in spite of difficulty or opposition. In simpler terms, persistence is never giving up no matter how hard something is or because you failed numerous times. But, is this something children can be taught?

I remember when I was about 9 years old and picked up my first baseball. My dad had bought me my first glove took me into my back yard and proceeded to teach me how to play baseball. We started off with catching. Numerous throws and I couldn’t catch any. I remember feeling horrible like I would never get it. I kept asking my dad to go inside but he would tell me “No, we’re going to stay outside even if it takes all night. You’re going to do this, you’re going to get this.” It wasn’t until what felt like the 100th time that I actually caught one! The excitement and joy I felt in that moment was remarkable. After so many failed attempts and begging my dad to go inside I did it. If it wasn’t for my dad telling me not to give up, to keep trying, that I will get it , I would’ve gave up after the 15th try.

An article called “Persistence is learned from fathers, says study” it is stated that fathers with more authoritve parenting (parents who allow their kids to explore and make decisions with their own reasons) produced children who were more likely to develop persistence. “When held accountable in a supportive way, mistakes do not become a mark against their self-esteem, but a source for learning what do differently” says Paul Miller (Conley, Mikaela. “Persistence Is Learned from Fathers, Says Study.” ABC News. ABC News Network, 15 June 2012. Web. 09 Mar. 2015.), associate professor of Psychology at Arizona State University. When being supported and told you’ll get it next time rather than being slammed and called names it can really help a child to persist and try again.

There has been many times where I have watched my niece (5) and my nephew (9) get down on themselves and want to give up, especially when it comes to homework. Instead of joining in and talking down on them as well whether it be their mom, grandmother or myself there is always someone there to encourage them to not give up and keep trying until they get it.

Grit (courage and resolve) is also being seen as a key to persistence as said in the article “Does teaching kids to get ‘Gritty’ help them get ahead?” It is what drives one kid to practice at something over and over until they get it right while another quits after the first failed attempt. “ This quality of being able to sustain your passions and also work really hard at them, over really disappointingly long periods of time, that’s grit” says Angela Duckworth,( Smith, Tovia. “Does Teaching Kids To Get ‘Gritty’ Help Them Get Ahead?” NPR. NPR, 17 Mar. 2014. Web. 06 Mar. 2015.) a psychology professor at the University of Pennsylvania who coined the term “grit”. Although grit hasn’t been proven to be taught I believe it can be. Having grit is just the same as being persistence and showing children everyday how you have grit or are persistence will likely rub off on them.

As most children follow by example I believe persistence can be taught if done appropriately. Encouraging children to never give up and to push forward no matter how tough it gets, listening to them rather than bashing them are ways children can be taught persistence. The more persistent children we create hopefully will result in a better future for every single one of them.

 

 

2 thoughts on “Essay 2 Rough Draft

  1. I thought the essay was really good and that it had a clear question and a related theme to persistence in paragraph 1 that you supported throughout the essay.

    I do think that you could maybe flow paragraph 2 and 3 together. Paragraph 3 kind of just happens almost and maybe combining 2 and 3 could really present the source you provide to the fathers and your story about your dad.

    Also, maybe adding more examples to the essay. Although you had great points, maybe bringing in one about a family member or friends experience, even including a fellow students blog post that relates to kids or persistence ( mine is about curiosity, but includes the need that children should explore and be able to be themselves and encouragement, if that helps? )

    This could also help with expanding the essay, it was good and to the point but elaborating more could help extend the essay that seemed a little short to me and very brief, especially the last paragraph that did wrap it all together but was almost rushed it felt. This could also grab the readers attention more and make it relatable to them.

    And I don’t know if we had to post the work cited page on this or not, but I guess it would be good to have. Also, I think it eliminates the need to include all of the sources info in the paragraph itself and you would just have to include like (Smith) instead and it would also help the reader not have to read the excess info, but correct me if I’m wrong and just did it backwards ha

    But overall it was a good essay that has a good point to it and a lot of potential!!

  2. I agree with the reviewer that this essay is strong in terms of focus, with a clearly stated question and relevant examples.

    Some thoughts for revision:
    –The most important addition you need to make is to refer to at least two memoirs from other students.

    –We didn’t talk about in-text citations for indirect sources–that seems to be what you’ve got in both para. 3 and 5, where the person quoted did not write the article. Here’s a link to how to handle that: http://bcs.bedfordstmartins.com/resdoc5e/RES5e_ch08_s1-0001.html#RES5e_ch08_p0108 It’s also on this page from Purdue OWL if you scroll down a ways to indirect sources: https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/747/02/

    –I’d put the credential of the person *before* the quotation.

    –Rather that put the whole citation in parentheses, MLA uses a Works Cited page at the end with in-text citation that contains (usually) just the author’s last name, or the article or webpage title if there’ s no author (in other words, the first element of the Works Cited entry). I’ll go over this in class.

    –One thing that just occurred to me as I looked back at this–what about starting with your baseball example and *then* connecting to idea of persistence, how your father taught you, and then move into discussion of article? Dictionary definitions are generally *not* effective ways to start out, whereas if you start with a little story, then you’ve got motivation to go back and define and consider how persistence can be developed.

    –I’d like a little more explanation of what you (or author) mean by authoritative parenting in para. 3–I don’t think in terms of authoritative parents letting kids explore and make their own decisions?

    –When you get to the grit para., it takes a while to get at how this can be developed, that “showing children everyday how you have grit or are persistence will likely rub off on them.” So this seems to indicate a kind of modelling? Could be further developed, and probably earlier in the para.

    –Also, the listening rather than bashing (which you explicitly mention in last para.) does tie to the para. about your niece and nephew, but the connection could be made more strongly in the earlier para.

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